Creative Juices Flow.

I think it's high time I start blogging again. Writing was always an outlet for me. An outlet where you plug into life. Outlets that start your laptop chargers running and your lights to glow. Outlets that make life happen, turn on. That's what writing does for me. And it's about time that I jump back on the ship and raise the flag high.


I was just recently reading through several old blogs of mine. Several pieces of my life all scattered with titles and paragraphs. Reading through them was really reading through my life. Seeing growth, pain, love, happiness, and tears all within the lines. Beautiful. 


In exactly seven days it'll mark one year since I've started this new life. This born again thing. This born again thing that strongly correlates to living with Christ. Living with love, hope, faith, laughter, and hugs. A life where I've really learned what it means to run for something. A life where I've really learned what it means to battle. In all honesty, I think it'd be superb if I was really battling with light sabers and the Brotherhood sword. I'll settle though for tonight when I can visit that place under my bed sheets. Life is a battle between good and evil. The evil being that common enemy that we all have that loves to lurk behind the bushes. It wasn't until this year that that made sense to me. The little sucker knows what it means to pinpoint all of our own weaknesses and bring us down to our knees in pain. Unfortunately for him, I've also learned this year the good in life. The honest, true, real good. Christ. 


Being brought up as a kid where church was a place where I was made to get out of my warm bed on Sunday mornings and sit in a pew with a bunch of people that were best friends with my grandparents. Seriously? Not appealing to any kid. Can't I just color while this man stands behind this pulpit and talks about a guy dying for me, over and over and over again. Where are the battles and the bad guys? Where are the stories? Where are the characters? It was just not something I wanted to listen to when I was a kid. I groaned and complained from the second I was woken up to the second I walked out of the church doors to get back to the car, finally smelling freedom in the air from outside.


Fast forwarding to now...


Relationship? Listener? Lover? Father? Friend? Oh, right. That's the meat I was looking for when I was staring at the man behind the pulpit rambling on about the same thing over and over again. The man that used words that would never exist in my vocabulary because I don't even think he knew what they meant. Finally, my heart was able to grasp realness. It was able to grasp what it meant to have a full life. Those battles and bad guys? Those stories? Those characters? If only as a kid sitting in those pews I would have understood what it meant to dive into a killer storybook. That killer storybook being something with a title that everyone knows. The Bible. You want a book that's full of love, kindness, bitterness, stubbornness, brokenness, evil, murder, sickness, death, life? You want a book that holds all of that and a million things more? Spend time with that book. 


My heart feels full for the first time in my short 22 years of living. Everything is beautiful. Everything holds meaning. Everything is part of a story. A story that Christ has already written for you. For us. A story that is full of laughter, pain, tears, joy, and love. As young girls, we strive for feeling loved. Reading through the mosaic of old blogs that wrap up a lot of my old life proves that. I'd say in about 75% of those blogs I mentioned at least once something about 'being tired of waiting for that boy to come take my heart', 'ready for him to come', 'ready to be loved'. Reality check? He was waiting for me. Christ was waiting for me. His love is stronger, fuller, more real than any earthly love can give you. And He is waiting for you. Girls, it's not the other way around. Quit waiting for the 'him' you're waiting on and run for the Him that's been waiting for you since the moment you wanted to color in the pews full of your grandparents best friends. 


Coming to this reality is incredible. Coming to this reality is going to cause a battle to now happen. That's how life works. The enemy realizes the good your heart is deciding and pounces. It's like a bitter fight you may hold with a friend in school. You like a boy and he likes your best friend more than you? That's not going to happen. Therefore, you step in and cause problems for your best friend and the boy you like because you're not getting your way. You're pissed. You're mad that something is going on that you can't control and you want it your way, so you're going to try to control the situation and tempt whatever you can tempt. What do you think the enemy is doing? He's pissed because you're falling in love with his problem, with his mess. You're falling in love with the one thing he doesn't want you falling in love with. Christ. Therefore, he'll come and tempt whatever he can tempt. He's going to pick at your weakest points and pick at the spots in your heart that are the most tender because he knows it'll get you to fall. It's your turn to then pick up the hypothetical light saber and pray to your lover to join you in battle. The battle that is life. This battle that we're all living in. A life full of adventure, love, and battle. Isn't that the storybooks we're all looking for when we're kids? Guess what. We're living in one.


For the first time in my young 22 years of life, I'm running in the right direction. I've realized that we're all broken and we're all loved. We're all loved by the one perfect human. Badass, right? 


I'm definitely still broken. I'm definitely still growing. I'm definitely still finding myself running occasionally in the opposite direction that I need to. I'm definitely still finding myself filling my voids with other things other than Christ from time to time. I'm definitely still finding myself wanting to do things my way and my way only. But, I'm definitely finding out that prayer works. I'm definitely finding out that no matter how many times you fail yourself, others, and Christ that he still loves you and is still there. I'm definitely finding out that all of these realizations is beauty in the most complex of forms. Beauty.


Growing up is crazy. Going through old blogs proves that. Going through old blogs makes life even more beautiful. The beauty that is growth. The beauty that is knowledge. The beauty that is life. Life is beautiful. Brokenness is beautiful. Messiness is beautiful. People are beautiful. Adventure is beautiful. Life is beautiful. Life is beautiful. Life is beautiful. Christ is beautiful.