Become ingrafted.

A few blogs ago, I had written about the process of ingrafting. I had written about the process of becoming new in Christ. I had referenced 2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come! I remember explaining what exactly it means to be 'ingrafted'. The dictionary definition of 'graft' is this, In surgery, a portion of living tissue is surgically transplanted from one part of an individual to another, or from one individual to another, for its adhesion and growth. Sounds a little painful doesn't it? 


We as humans need Christ. We need a savior. We're all broken, bruised, and bloodied and the thought of allowing someone else to control our lives sounds impossible for us. We like to do things our own way in our own time. When we decide to dedicate our lives to Christ, we become a new creation. We become ingrafted in Christ. Now, ingrafting doesn't sound like a pleasant thing when you fully dive into the word. And you know what? It's not. Ingrafting from the surgical standpoint I'd assume would not be a pleasant process. It's living tissue that is being transplanted from one area to a whole new area to grow. It's going to cause the most beautiful human to look like Frankenstein --- in the beginning. Ingrafting from the spiritual standpoint, is also not a pleasant process. Yes, it's a beautiful process when you can see the changes that God is making in your heart. The only reason I'd say that it isn't pleasant is because it hurts. It doesn't hurt in the physical sense like a surgery would, but it hurts in the heart. 


Jeremiah 17:9-10
"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, 
   a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart 
   and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human. 
   I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are, 
   not as they pretend to be."


Our hearts are deceitful. They are full of pride, arrogance, insecurities, fear, worry, doubt, hate, anger, bitterness.. the list continues on. When we allow God to get in there and dig deep, you're going to feel those awful areas begin to quiver and shake. They are going to want to hold on for dear life, but you must allow God to take control of them. You must allow Him to come beside you and push the boulder out of our path to freedom. Regardless of what convictions He may place on your heart, you must trust Him. You must let Him begin the ingrafting process. Convictions are painful. They are not easy pills to swallow. Yet, they are from God. God convicts his children just as your own father would convict you. Conviction defined means, to impress with a sense of guilt or to declare guilty of an offense. These offenses that we are convicted of are those exact things that our deceitful hearts can be full of. They are things that God wants us to give to Him, so that He may help us become as Christ-like as possible. He wants us to give them to Him, so that we can become free and become new in Christ. When convictions come our way, we shouldn't feel bad about ourselves. God doesn't show us conviction to make us hate ourselves. He shows us conviction because He loves us and wants to help us become better for Him. We need to take his discipline, understand it, and turn it around. With God we can do that. That's the whole point of the test He's trying to get us to sit down and take. He wants us to glorify Him. How are we to do that with hearts full of madness?

I've constantly battled fear. In the past couple weeks, fear is starting to fade from my heart. A month ago, if you were to ask me where I saw myself in 5 years I probably would have been able to answer you. I would have said something like, "Oh you know, in the same city I'm in now, hopefully married, teaching Elementary students at a public school..." Now, if you were to ask me that same question I wouldn't be able to answer you. God has drastically helped me with my battle of fear. I no longer have a desire to stay put. When I was back in high school through the beginning stages of college, I wanted the traditional white picket fence, fully decorated home, huge backyard with the kids playing in it, friends in every direction lifestyle. I can't even fathom that anymore. I'm ready to go wherever God wants me to go and if that means moving to a different area code every week, month, or year then you best believe I'll be doing it. And, the only way I got to that point was because I finally began dedicating my life to Christ. I've finally given the fear in my heart to Him and have let Him begin the ingrafting process. The process of becoming a new creation. 


I think we all need to learn humility and give everything to Christ. Oh, you better believe I am in no way a pro at this. But, that's okay because God approves of me either way. He can help me overcome my unbelief no matter how prideful I am. He will heal me of that if I continue to pursue Him and He will do the same for you. Remember, it's a process and it's all about God's time. I was reading yesterday afternoon (Beth Moore - Get Out of That Pit) and I really enjoyed what she said about God's timing -- "I think God often ordains a wait because He purely enjoys the togetherness of it". Remember me explaining that we were created for a relationship with God? How awesome does that make you feel that He wants to spend time with you that much? Our God wants to spend time with us. Believe it.

I've always had this desire to travel everywhere, to build homes for people, to volunteer at soup kitchens, and to meet people all over the place because their stories just interested me -- yet I never knew what exactly I should be to do that. I thought I needed a career to make all of that happen. God has finally pulled out my little girl and showed me that I can do all of that -- for Him. All of those things can glorify Him. Sharing the Gospel and loving people, I can do. The only thing that would have ever stopped me from that is fear. He's casting out fear from my heart. I think we all need to embrace the little kids inside of us and let God really pull them out, along with all those deceitful things within our hearts. Those little kid desires, hopes, and dreams may not be as ridiculous as you think they are. They may not be in the exact way that you'd have thought you'd be pursuing them, but they will be in a better way -- with God. We are called to have a childlike faith, right? Let's start by being obedient to our call regardless of how scared you may initially be of it.

Let Him start that process for you today.
You may spend many nights crying or angry. You may want to give up when it gets hard. You may want to be prideful and long to do it yourself. You may question everything that He's doing and throw a fit. Trust me, I understand. I've felt all of that on this journey. But, humility is our friend and Christ is our lover.

Let Him love you. Let Him heal you.
Let Him heal your heart from madness.


Let's be little kids again.

Expectations.

I highly recommend that if you're struggling with anything in life to take a break. Whether it's a relationship, a job, a habit, or whatever the case may be - I recommend taking a break if you feel like you've hit a wall. I recommend you take a break and spend time with God, not just some time - a lot of time. He will teach you so many things if you just allow yourself the time and commitment that he desires from us.

If I wouldn't be taking a break with things in my life right now, I probably wouldn't have started initiating with people the way that I am now (not that I chose the break I'm in, but God wanted me and He got me. I also had a loving man in my life who God blessed me with who helped God take my heart). I had lost myself. I had become quiet, reserved, angry, and selfish. I wasn't myself in any way, shape, or form. God is helping me find myself again. He is helping me find my identity with Him again. With this in my mind now, I'm initiating with people who I've been too scared or too judgmental to have initiated with before. And I can't even express how clearly God is working. If none of this  had happened, I would not have had an ice cream date yesterday with a wonderful woman. Through her, she introduced me to Mike and Tammy Smith (introduced me to them by showing me some relationship sermons that they had done last August). Through listening to those sermons (even just the first two - it's a series of four), my outlook on things has drastically changed. God is so faithful.

Expectations. Who can honestly say that they don't have expectations? We have expectations of everything. The biggest of which seems to be people. We have expectations of people. We especially have expectations of people we're in relationships with. After listening to one of the sermons strictly on expectations, my mind is blown. Tammy said something that has been officially imprinted on my heart - "We are missing the beautiful uniqueness of the people in front of us so often because of our pictures of what he or she should be doing". People are beautiful. Yet, they continually disappoint us... or so we think. People do not disappoint, expectations do. No one can make you feel angry, it's the expectations that you hold over them that disappoint you and generate the feeling of anger towards that person. In relationships we hold some of the most irrational, questionable, ridiculous expectations over our partners heads. We make them feel trapped with these expectations because it's a continual cycle of them trying to live up to our expectations and then us shutting them down because they didn't quite meet the exact expectations we had to begin with. It's a constant state of disappointment and failure. This is awful. We as children of Christ are free. We are free with Christ. Why do we constantly trap each other?

Tammy listed a whole list of expectations that we hold in relationships. That our partner is sinless. That they will do what we want. That they will change nasty habits. That they will like our family. That they will automatically enjoy our hobbies. That they would want to spend as much time with us as we want to with them. That they would be able to read our mind. That they would like everything about us. And finally, that he or she will change. How do you feel now? I'm guilty of every single one of these expectations. Can't you see how irrational they are? We are self-centered, selfish individuals without Christ. Tammy made the comment that we expect our partners to want to do things we enjoy and then when they do them out of love for us that it's still not enough because they didn't really mean it, they just did it. That is what it means to sacrificially love. We all need to be this way!

We as Christians have a challenge. When we are in a relationship it is not about us. It's not about our values. Expectations set others up for failure and set us up for disappointment. We are told in Colossians 3:2 to "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things". "Expectations are earthly things. It's a mindset focused on this earth". As Christians, we are to have no expectations. That is what Christ wants for us. Again, He tells us to not set our minds on earthly things. God is teaching me all about selfishness. I am selfish. But, guess what - He is healing.

I just pray that we can all begin to understand that expectations are not Christ like. They are not for each other. We cannot have them. They generate feelings of want and desire from human beings that they can never fulfill. We need to gain our satisfaction from God. He will now, forever, and always meet our expectations. It is so unfair to place expectations on people we love. It's a recipe for disaster that will always end up in one person feeling inadequate and the other person feeling unfulfilled. God will always fill us!


Isaiah 55:1-3
“Come, all you who are thirsty, 
    come to the waters; 
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk 
    without money and without cost. 
Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy? 
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, 
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.
 Give ear and come to me;
    listen, that you may live.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you,

    my faithful love promised to David.

My prayer is that we can realize this truth and embrace it. We must not have expectations. We must love sacrificially, serve each other, and let God do all the work. We must trust Him and gain our fill from Him. If you're placing expectations on someone you love, stop. We must love one another the way that he intended love to be and love is not self-seeking.

God is teaching me so many things right now and I'm so thankful. He is faithful and He will heal your heart if you allow Him to do it. 


Allow Him. 
Let Him be the Father that he will forever be. 

Just go.

If I were to rewind my life to last summer, I would never have thought that God would be leading me in the direction that he is right now. Today, as I was praying I couldn't help but cry. I was overwhelmed with joy. I was overwhelmed with passion. And I was overwhelmed with confidence. The holy spirit is working in my heart and telling me several different things. The two regarding my direction with ministry are the two I'm about to discuss. I have never felt more led to do what I'm feeling led to do right now. And after constant worry, fear, frustration, and anxiety over it - I'm finally at peace. And with that peace, I have never been more passionate and joyful in my heart as I am right now.

Teenagers. Who honestly enjoys the raging hormones, the fits of anger, the tears of broken hearts and confused relationships, and the stubbornness that some teenagers will throw your way? For some reason, God wants that to be my ministry. It has never been more clear to me that that is where I need to be. The amount of joy that is brought to my heart dealing with several young kids and seeing their growth is out of this world. The fact that I can sit with them and talk about Jesus and love them is so incredible. That is my passion. I remember being in high school and going to Young Life. The female leaders were so wise, caring, and compassionate and I could do nothing less than admire them. They are my constant inspiration. I'm ready for God to use me however he wants to use me with these kids. I'm willing and I'm ready to go. This passion really became clear to me when I was in India. I had so many teenagers come up to me in particular. They wanted me to pray for them. They wanted me to talk to them. Me. I was on a team with two other people, yet the majority of the people that reacted to them were older. Anytime my discernment would kick in, it always seemed to be towards a teenager. I could always pick out who I needed to talk to. And they all seemed to be teenagers. Most of my contacts were teenagers. God brought them to me. I'm ready God, throw the hormones my direction.

India. If you were to tell me even two months ago that my heart would be running for India, I would have instantly said that you were crazy and there was absolutely no way. Period, end of story. You're out of your mind. Well, God obviously had a different plan for me and was going to throw me into it whether I liked it or not. Every single day, my heart feels for the people in India. My thoughts remember the faces of the people of India. My passion sits with the young females over in India. For their freedom, their hope, their life that only God can give. 

We are called to be ambassadors for Christ -- 2 Corinthians 5:20 "We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us". We are to tell everyone about Christ. I can tell you right now that I would not look forward to 110 degree dry heat with air conditioners that constantly need water put in them, with water I'm not able to drink, and bathrooms I have to squat above to use. But, God can't use us to our full potential if we're comfortable. Where in scripture does it ever say that we will be comfortable, that we will have lavish things, that we will get to do what we want? It's not about us. It's about Christ. We have to be willing. I'm finally at peace with that. 

A wise woman said something to me in a message one day that sticks close to my heart. She said, "None of us should be that comfortable in America, because it's not our home either. American Christians have to work harder at following Christ. They have it so easy that they've left God unemployed. They don't have to live by faith really,and I don't think people really are living by faith unless they are sharing the Gospel and being totally available to Him IN America or anywhere else". Convicting? Yeah, I thought so. I felt convicted to. This is not our home. We are foreigners in America just as much as we are in India or Ukraine. We can't leave God unemployed. We have to obey the call that He has sent our way. If you asked me, "How do you know that's where God wants you?" I wouldn't be able to answer you. I'm just being obedient and following Christ where my heart is leading me. The Holy Spirit finds a home in our hearts. And when that Holy Spirit moves in our hearts, you can't deny it. It's an overwhelming passion, joy, and tug. And if we don't listen to it, we are being disobedient. 

Wherever God wants us he will bring us to it and through it. Yes, I feel called to be in India. Yes, I feel called to be in ministry with teenagers. No, this doesn't mean I pick up and move to India immediately and only work with teenagers. That would just be unwise. But, that's not saying that if I felt called to be there tomorrow that I wouldn't go. I would go. If it's in God's plan for me to be there, I will be obedient. The point is that we have to be willing. Wherever God has us is where He wants us for the moment. So, if we're in an ordinary city with ordinary people, it is still not our home. We still need to be obedient. We need to follow the call wherever God has us right now. And we need to be willing. I struggled with this thought for awhile. I wasn't ready to give up my comfortable life. I wasn't sure where God wanted me to go. It was like I was expecting Him to come down and tell me every single detail about His plan for me. We just have to be ready to pick up and go if God wants it. No matter what, we just have to be willing. It's such a simple concept. But, we let fear take over. 

We can't let fear take over. We must be willing. We can't constantly question everything that God wants for us. This is something He has definitely been convicting me with lately. I question everything. It's fine time I learned though that that defeats the purpose of trusting Him completely. That defeats the purpose of relying on Him. If I'm questioning what He is doing with me, that's questioning His power. And our God is all knowing, all seeing, and all powerful. That disobedience and those question don't help growth at all. We can't grow unless we are uncomfortable. We can't grow unless we are weak. We can't grow unless we are broken. We just have to be willing to be uncomfortable, weak, and broken. 

I can't even imagine my life without telling people about Christ anymore. I have to tell people. I have to go. I'm ready to give my heart, soul, and body for the sake of the Gospel. 

Let's be those ambassadors.

Journey.

Every single person on this Earth longs for one thing -- love. We all fight so hard for this desire. Yet, it is freely given to us by Christ. Why do we fight to gain this thing we call love? Why do we search so hard? It's because we rely to find it solely from human beings. We search in all the wrong places for this love. We follow our own desires for this love. I'm here to tell you that this is just not how it was intended to be. I spent two weeks preaching the Gospel in India and somehow I managed to forget the truth that I spoke. God created us because He desired a relationship. Sure, He created the animals. But, when was the last time that you spoke to an animal and they answered back? Unless you start describing the horse named Mr. Ed from TV Land, you can only say that this has never has happened. They don't have conversations with you. So, what did God do? He created us. He created humans. He created creatures that hold the same characteristics that He does. He was an artist with the ability to create us. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made". And that relationship that He desired and created us for then, still exists to this very day. His love is unchanging. That desire from God has not changed.

In order for us to understand anything in this world we have to constantly speak with our Father. He knows the desires of our heart. He knows our story because He wrote it. The only way that we'll ever feel secure and content in this world is if we find that completely in Him. Contentment is a learned choice. We need to learn as humans that contentment does not come from our own desires being met. We cannot have real joy if we continually base it on our circumstances. Sure, we can get what we want and feel 'joy' for a short period. But, the second something doesn't go our way we feel angry again. It's instant. God is the only way that we can find that true joy. The Word says that "the eyes of man is never satisfied." So, why do we constantly try to meet that satisfaction without Christ? It makes no sense. We are so blinded by what the enemy is telling us. He is a liar. It's as simple as that. There is absolutely nothing Satan can say that is true. He's incapable of telling the truth. The lies of not being wanted, of not being accepted, of not being fought for, of not being good enough, of not being loved - are all lies. They are all things that we need Christ for. Humans will fail. Humans are not perfect. Humans will upset you. Humans cannot give you what only Christ can.

It's time we stop having expectations of people. It's time we stop letting the insecurities and the lies control our lives. Why let something that only wants to destroy us [the enemy] control us when we can instead let something that only wants to love us [Christ] help us? We need Christ's help. We need Christ's guidance. We need Christ's love. We need Christ's grace. We need Christ - all of Him, every single second of every single day. And He freely offers it, every single second of every single day. We can't do anything without Him. It makes no sense for us to continue to let the things of our past, the things that have hurt us the most, control our present when we know the truth. We were created for a relationship with Christ. We need to be content with our circumstances. We need to find true contentment and security with Christ before anything else. Once we accept that, we can be free. It's time to break chains and let the lies go. We can do this with Christ. Stop letting your emotions, your fears, and your insecurities tell you otherwise. [God desires that we take authority over our bad habits. He doesn't want us to be "bossed around" by our emotions, He wants us to have victory. - Joyce Meyer]. With Christ, we will always be victorious. We need to soak in that truth. Yes, we as humans will fail and are incapable of defeating the enemy. But, we have a God who is willing to fight by our side and who we know holds the victory, every single time.

Stop letting the enemy control. Stop searching for anything but Christ. I want to be a mom someday. And let me tell you, I will make a phenomenal mom. But, if I have a little girl who doesn't see her worth because too many boys have broken her heart and I'm not secure enough in Christ to help her understand that she's worth it.. my heart will be broken. It's time we as humans realize that Christ is all we need. We can be secure in Him and He will never let us down. Again, humans will fail you. But, Christ created all of us to love Him and be secure in Him so that we can love each other. We can't love each other without giving everything to Christ. We can't love each other when we hold expectations of being great and finding joy always in another human being. We were not created for that. We need to start living in that truth. We need to start being content with where God has us, soaking in his security. We need to start having faith that He can help us with everything. We need to start having faith that He WILL help us with everything if we just let Him.


Let Him.

"Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] has said, I will not in any way fail you, nor give you up, nor leave you without support. [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake, nor let [you] down."
Hebrews 13:5 [AMP] --

Fighting the pit.

I haven't posted anything since April and quite a lot has happened since that time. The last post I wrote was about a humbled heart. Since that time, I've prayed and prayed for God to humble me and my hardened heart. A few days ago, he finally managed to gain complete control over that and grab my whole body, soul, and heart - kicking and screaming.

Looking at the word broken initially you don't find it very attractive. Yet, knowing that God can heal any and all brokenness makes the word look beautiful. Through being broken, we will rely on Him with everything we've got. There's nothing else for us to lose. I'm thankful for the chance I have right now to find all security in Christ. It's time to be obedient and listen. I've gone through the motions of getting out of 'the pit' I've been in for years now. It's time for action. God has made so many things apparent to me in just a matter of a few days. I'm ugly, mean, bitter, angry, and prideful without Him. I'm conscious of the behavior I need to use, yet I let the Devil take my emotions and I allow them to control me. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to control me. 

I'm currently reading Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore and my world is being wrecked. So much truth is being thrown in my direction and finally I'm starting to listen. The main thing that caught my attention today was this: "We think we want people to lie down next to us, feel what we feel, and give us permission to stay there. But if they do, they help talk us into making ourselves at home in the early grave Satan dug for us. They agree to our living death. Christ got down next to us in the grave, stayed the better part of three days, and then got up...so we'd have permission to get up too. And start living life. Beloved, let this one sink in deeply: if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren't picked on; you were picked out. God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you. Live up to it. All the way up". Talk about something hitting you in the face. Nothing has made more sense to me than that passage right there. 1 Corinthians 10:13 - "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it". God will not put us through anything that we cannot get through. If we try to get through it on our own, then yes, we're forming a pit in our life. But, he'll always be there to help you come through it. We need His help and he freely offers it. It's time we take it.

I've constantly struggled with the whole abandonment ordeal. Men in my past became nothing but young boys. I always put my faith in them. I always trusted them. I always wanted them. I always turned to them. What did they do? They let me down. Why? Because they are, were, and will always be human. We as humans are incapable of completely fulfilling each others needs. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. I've always known this, clearly how could you not, but I've never really listened. On the other hand, if I had made the decision to put my faith in HIM who is perfect, trusted HIM, wanted HIM, and turned to HIM things would have been a little different. I never consciously did that. I had allowed myself to stay in that pit of fear, that pit of insecurity, that pit of not being wanted, and that pit of utter destruction.

God is speaking to me day after day. The truth of His word says that He will help me get through my struggles. It's as easy as finding that security, that love, and that freedom from Him. He's our best friend. He's our lover. I've known this my entire life, yet I've been disobedient with that knowledge. The second I actually started to understand obedience I got on a plane and flew half way around the world to a country by the name of India. That's when I started to get hit with balls of fire from the enemy. In India, everything was wonderful. Why? Because I was constantly relying on God and not myself, my emotions, my thoughts, my ways. I was relying on Him. The second I came home from India everything went downhill. Why? Because I was constantly relying on myself, my emotions, my thoughts, my ways. I was letting the Devil get his stronghold back. I wasn't intentionally relying on myself. I know the truth and I know I need to always rely on Christ. But, back in America, I was back in my world. I had my job, my relationships, my amenities, everything that was familiar to me. I wasn't constantly working with God, so consciously I didn't even think to rely on Him as much. I fell back into my pit about a mile deeper than I was before I left for India.

Now is the time to be obedient. I'm learning just this. In the past couple days completely devoting my time to finding myself again with Christ, I've become extremely discerning concerning some strongholds in my life. I'm learning how to flip the truth that I know in the back of my mind to the front of my mind - at all times. It's not easy. But, being in constant prayer and talking to my best friend, He makes it easy. Since when has it been hard for humans to have conversations with their best friends? It's not hard for us as humans to talk. We are social creatures and we crave the attention. Getting my attention from God and listening to His advice is something I should have learned to do a long time ago. It's time that we start allowing God to get us out of these pits that we're in and fully rely on Him. Because remember, He put us into these pits because we were picked out. God put us through that suffering because He has faith in us. He picked us.

Psalm 94:16-19 --
 Who stood up for me against the wicked? 
      Who took my side against evil workers? 
   If God hadn't been there for me, 
      I never would have made it. 
   The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," 
      your love, God, took hold and held me fast. 
   When I was upset and beside myself, 
      you calmed me down and cheered me up.


It's time we allow God to get us out of our pits.
Listen. Have faith. Take heart.
He will hold our hands. He will guard our hearts.