Expectations.

I highly recommend that if you're struggling with anything in life to take a break. Whether it's a relationship, a job, a habit, or whatever the case may be - I recommend taking a break if you feel like you've hit a wall. I recommend you take a break and spend time with God, not just some time - a lot of time. He will teach you so many things if you just allow yourself the time and commitment that he desires from us.

If I wouldn't be taking a break with things in my life right now, I probably wouldn't have started initiating with people the way that I am now (not that I chose the break I'm in, but God wanted me and He got me. I also had a loving man in my life who God blessed me with who helped God take my heart). I had lost myself. I had become quiet, reserved, angry, and selfish. I wasn't myself in any way, shape, or form. God is helping me find myself again. He is helping me find my identity with Him again. With this in my mind now, I'm initiating with people who I've been too scared or too judgmental to have initiated with before. And I can't even express how clearly God is working. If none of this  had happened, I would not have had an ice cream date yesterday with a wonderful woman. Through her, she introduced me to Mike and Tammy Smith (introduced me to them by showing me some relationship sermons that they had done last August). Through listening to those sermons (even just the first two - it's a series of four), my outlook on things has drastically changed. God is so faithful.

Expectations. Who can honestly say that they don't have expectations? We have expectations of everything. The biggest of which seems to be people. We have expectations of people. We especially have expectations of people we're in relationships with. After listening to one of the sermons strictly on expectations, my mind is blown. Tammy said something that has been officially imprinted on my heart - "We are missing the beautiful uniqueness of the people in front of us so often because of our pictures of what he or she should be doing". People are beautiful. Yet, they continually disappoint us... or so we think. People do not disappoint, expectations do. No one can make you feel angry, it's the expectations that you hold over them that disappoint you and generate the feeling of anger towards that person. In relationships we hold some of the most irrational, questionable, ridiculous expectations over our partners heads. We make them feel trapped with these expectations because it's a continual cycle of them trying to live up to our expectations and then us shutting them down because they didn't quite meet the exact expectations we had to begin with. It's a constant state of disappointment and failure. This is awful. We as children of Christ are free. We are free with Christ. Why do we constantly trap each other?

Tammy listed a whole list of expectations that we hold in relationships. That our partner is sinless. That they will do what we want. That they will change nasty habits. That they will like our family. That they will automatically enjoy our hobbies. That they would want to spend as much time with us as we want to with them. That they would be able to read our mind. That they would like everything about us. And finally, that he or she will change. How do you feel now? I'm guilty of every single one of these expectations. Can't you see how irrational they are? We are self-centered, selfish individuals without Christ. Tammy made the comment that we expect our partners to want to do things we enjoy and then when they do them out of love for us that it's still not enough because they didn't really mean it, they just did it. That is what it means to sacrificially love. We all need to be this way!

We as Christians have a challenge. When we are in a relationship it is not about us. It's not about our values. Expectations set others up for failure and set us up for disappointment. We are told in Colossians 3:2 to "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things". "Expectations are earthly things. It's a mindset focused on this earth". As Christians, we are to have no expectations. That is what Christ wants for us. Again, He tells us to not set our minds on earthly things. God is teaching me all about selfishness. I am selfish. But, guess what - He is healing.

I just pray that we can all begin to understand that expectations are not Christ like. They are not for each other. We cannot have them. They generate feelings of want and desire from human beings that they can never fulfill. We need to gain our satisfaction from God. He will now, forever, and always meet our expectations. It is so unfair to place expectations on people we love. It's a recipe for disaster that will always end up in one person feeling inadequate and the other person feeling unfulfilled. God will always fill us!


Isaiah 55:1-3
“Come, all you who are thirsty, 
    come to the waters; 
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk 
    without money and without cost. 
Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy? 
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, 
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.
 Give ear and come to me;
    listen, that you may live.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you,

    my faithful love promised to David.

My prayer is that we can realize this truth and embrace it. We must not have expectations. We must love sacrificially, serve each other, and let God do all the work. We must trust Him and gain our fill from Him. If you're placing expectations on someone you love, stop. We must love one another the way that he intended love to be and love is not self-seeking.

God is teaching me so many things right now and I'm so thankful. He is faithful and He will heal your heart if you allow Him to do it. 


Allow Him. 
Let Him be the Father that he will forever be.