Worth overcomes brokenness.

Lately I've been struggling. With pride, with stubbornness, with irrational thoughts. I've been struggling to trust. I've been struggling with faith. What I mean by this is I've been struggling with letting God do what He does and leaving it to Him. Trusting that He cares about all of my brokenness and if I ask and trust that He will help me. It's a simple concept really. We all know that He cares. But, in our moments of weakness the enemy rips that knowledge away from us and coaxes us into thinking we're no good. Lately I've been struggling.

Lately I've been praying. Constant communication with a God who knows my heart completely and still has an unfailing love for me is comforting. It's a truth that the enemy can never take away from me. Psalm 139:2-4 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. He knows our hearts and His grace, love, and mercy are so unbelievable our minds can't process it. At least I know that mine can't. The enemy continuously shoots every lie in the book in my direction to make me forget about this love. Lately I've been praying.

What have I been praying for? A transformed heart. I need a transformation in my heart. Ephesians 1:4 Long before he laid down Earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. I want a heart that can love the way God's heart loves. I need a transformation to love not only my broken self, but every other person's broken self. 1 John 4:18 There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life -fear of death, fear of judgment - is one not yet fully formed in love. This means that we need to love. Now, when we lose control and we believe the lies; when we are blinded by anger and fear; when we forget why we love who we're fighting with in the first place; when we get mad at ourselves because of our irrational behavior and in turn take it out on whoever is around us - where is that love? It's hard. It's hard to find a love as unfailing as Christ's. It's hard to maintain that in moments of brokenness. One thing I now know though - God can show us and help us transform to love the way He loves. We have prayer. James 4:2 (AMP) You are jealous and covet [what others have] and your desires go unfulfilled; [so] you become murderers. [To hate is to murder as far as your hearts are concerned.] You burn with envy and anger and are not able to obtain [the gratification, the contentment, and the happiness that you seek], so you fight and war. You do not have, because you do not ask. We are allowed to ask. God wants us to ask. The enemy causes us to lash out, to lose control, to seek our own ways and to block out anyone who tries to get close to our heart. The enemy tries whatever tactics he can to cause us to run in the other direction of asking God for anything. He throws those lies in our heads such as - "You're not good enough to receive anything from God", "You are stubborn and that is who you are - why would you even listen to God if He helped you? Therefore, don't ask because you know you won't trust Him", and the list continues.

When we are struggling and searching and yearning for something in our hearts to grow we have to ask God. We have to depend on Him and we have to trust Him. It's the only solution to our problems. The enemy gives us the misconception that humans can help us, that we can help ourselves. This is not truth. We let ourselves down and every single human on this Earth will let someone down and that's exactly how God intended it to be. His intention is for us to run to Him when we need help, to lean on Him when we're seeking something to make us feel whole. Only He can provide that for us and the second we realize that things start to make sense. Finally I'm seeing this. Finally I'm doing the asking. Finally I'm realizing that it's not going to happen overnight and I need to be a patient human being. Finally I'm learning to do this. It will take time, it will take obedience, it will take risks, and I need faith. Finally I'm allowing myself to trust - slowly but surely. We all grow at different times and in different ways. And you know what? God knows what He's doing and everything that we go through is all part of His plan. Do not fear. This is a world full of broken people who try to rely on other broken people to heal their own brokenness. This is a world full of broken people who have everything wrong and misconstrued. This is a world full of broken people who really only need one thing and that is Christ.

Lately I've been struggling. Lately I've been praying.
Lately I've been seeing bits and bits of transformation starting and growing.
And even if it's tiny transformation, one step at a time - it's still transformation. It's still God doing work on my heart.
Praise Him.