James' rhino.

I can't believe it has been a little over a year since I last blogged. I love writing and it seems I only allow myself to write when my life seems a little too hard. Therefore, I guess it isn't much of a surprise that I have felt the urge to blog again. Life got hard.

Life has been a bit of a struggle the past several months (as well as currently), but, tonight I felt so romanced and loved on by God that all I wanted to do when I returned to my home was sit down with my laptop on my lap and let my fingers have a go with the keyboard.

After having an extremely large breakdown last night feeling overwhelmed with life and taking it all out on my best friend, all throughout the day today God was bringing things to my attention. He was reminding me of things I had already been aware of, but allowed to leave my mind in the heat of battle.

Satan is an enemy. Satan is a villain. Satan is real. Satan lives in the world we live in. We live in a spiritual world. Today, God poured grace on me and reminded me of a little touch of Satan's schemes.

Scheme One:
Satan will use pride to destroy. Pride is one of Satan's favorite go-to's for me. Luckily though, God created us with His Spirit living inside of us. That Spirit consists of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) We have to remember that we were fearfully and wonderfully made. We have to remember that we were created to further God's kingdom here on Earth. We have to remember that we were created to be the lights sitting on top of the table and not hiding underneath it. Satan knows this. Pride is an ugly, ugly, ugly thing. When I allow pride to take over, self-control goes out the window. In these moments, I let Satan win. Pride will devour everything in its path. For example, last night, my boyfriend Micah, was letting me in on his desires for his and our future. He was telling me how it looked to him. I was already overwhelmed and angry about a million other things and everything he was telling me was not appealing to me at all. Therefore, I shut down. I yelled. I said really hurtful things. And you know what the worst thing of it all was? Everything that Micah was saying he wanted for our future were all things I had fantasized for my own future. I have had a strong desire in my heart for everything he had mentioned. But, I allowed pride to take over and speak words that I didn't mean. Satan knows how to use his weapons.

Scheme Two:
Taking scheme one and leading right into the second one, Satan knows how to use his weapons and he also knows when he is being threatened. Micah and I have had a lot of issues in our relationship. We have yelled, fought, threatened, and we have both said really hurtful things to the other. Satan knows when he has a threat and he will do whatever he can to destroy that threat. I know that Micah and I, together, are a huge threat to Satan. I know that when the two of us are both fully embracing and living in the Spirit we can tremendously grow God's kingdom here on Earth. Satan knows when something is a threat and he knows what to do to push it apart. We cannot allow him to get a foothold.

Scheme Three:
Satan will attempt to get us to hold on to our flesh for as long as we will allow him. I have realized that for the past three years, since I really started learning and running towards a life with Christ, I have actually been continuously trying to hold on to little bits and pieces of my old self. When we choose to follow Christ, we are a new creation. I remember writing an entire blog about it a few blogs back. Satan does not want us to lose our old self with its worldly desires and he will do whatever he can for us to keep holding on to it. He gets into our head and tells us that we need it, that it's who we are. We cannot allow Satan to tell us who we are. We are not who we were. We are children of God. And, let me say right now that our souls will always feel empty until we allow our old self to be completely forgotten and to fill it up with Christ. We have to let go of that comfort that we seem to have in our old self in order to fully experience life the way that God intended us to.

These three huge reminders hit me all throughout the day today. Then, on the drive home tonight as I was immersed in Hillsong's "Oceans", I looked at the sky. I really looked at the sky. The sun was setting, so the beauty was there. It was a light orange, with some reds and yellows. The sun was dipping behind a cloud with sun rays coming to Earth. While this beauty was happening, looming over all of it was a giant gray rain cloud. It was dark, cloudy, and dim. It reminded me of that rhino from the movie James and the Giant Peach (one of my favorites). This rhino came out of nowhere and ate up James' parents. It seemed to hover and haunt him the rest of the movie. The rhino represented James' fear. This giant rain cloud reminded me of that rhino. It also reminded me of Satan. He wants us to fear him. He wants to win. He is the villain, just like the rhino. As I was watching the rain cloud, it started to actually rain. A light drizzle, falling from the sky over the sunset, over the sun rays. The light touch of rain equivalent to the light touch of our God. The beauty within the beast.

The sunset mixed with that rain cloud is what really inspired me to blog tonight. Thinking back on last night, my life in general, and my unknown future. God's plan for us is good. No matter what circumstances life is throwing at us right now, throws at us tomorrow, or throws at us years from now - God will be in it.

With God we are more than conquerors. The enemy is scheming around every corner waiting for the most opportune time to pounce. We have to be aware of his schemes and we have to have faith that our God will always prevail.

With God NOTHING is impossible.